By Aisha’tu S. Mohammed
Fri, Dec 02, 2011
This article is for all those mothers and fathers out there going through difficult times. This really is for any human soul who has lost themselves in the difficulty of the moment.
I write this with all those parents in mind that I have witnessed going through the struggle of watching their child suffer and not being able to do anything to ease that pain. Most of all, I dedicate this to all those mothers at Great Ormond street hospital, who, through their own personal struggles have helped me through my own, without even knowing it.
When a circumstance is not your own, you will never know what it feels like. When you are not that person going through whatever it is, then you can never fully appreciate their response to it, as their whole life has gone to make up that particular moment or those moments. I think to myself at times when faced with certain tests that there were small instances in my different stages of life that have prepared me for this. When I look back, I take note and at times I do feel as though it was my own doing. If I had made one particular decision instead of another, but then does that mean I start to regret? For me it makes me stronger in that if I had chosen another path then I wouldn’t be so ready for the things that I am facing now. A lot of what spurs me on is that I recall many happenings, whereby if I say to myself ‘why me?’ then I have taken no heed as to the gravity of my past sins and also sins to come.
I have submitted in that. I have no choice but to accept what has been decreed for me and just plough on with life, praying for Allah (SWT)’s mercy in that, whatever my response, it is the one most pleasing to Allah (SWT). I suppose it is another way of pleading for forgiveness, a silent way, a way that is within me and between me and Allah (SWT) only.
I feel as though and very strongly too, that I do not have to talk about certain things that I am going through, as it is sufficient for me that Allah (SWT) knows. I have learnt this in that, no matter where I go or to whom, nobody ever has the right words or the perfect response that I seek. It is only when I fully comprehend that it is only Allah (SWT) who knows and is aware of precisely what I seek, what I desire, the exact answer. When I talk to Him (SWT), I know He is listening, as it is impossible for Him not to as He (SWT) is ‘the ever living, the one who sustains and protects all that exists. Neither slumber nor sleep overtakes him. To Him belongs whatever is in the heavens and whatever is on earth.’ - (Quran Surah 2:255)
He sustains me therefore I know that I am never overlooked as without sustenance surely I will cease to exist, slumber nor sleep overtake Him, therefore everything is known to Him, from our most insignificant of wishes to our moments of intense need. In this I place my certainty in that He (SWT) knows why and I need not know. I am not the sustainer of my own soul so how can I possibly hold the knowledge in what awaits me tomorrow, as when the day is not over. I am yet to have absolute certainty as to my provision. When I am in a state of slumber or asleep I have no idea as to what is passing within myself, or in fact any other living thing, within the confines of mine own home let alone without. I belong to Him (SWT), therefore I know that He will take care of me in whatever way is best, just as whatever I have been blessed with ownership of in this world I will take care of in the ways that I know best. The difference is that I was taught my ways and different people differ in their ways.
By Aisha’tu S. Mohammed
My first name is pronounced without the ‘tu at the end. I am a university graduate at 28 with a degree in International relations. I am child number 4 of 12 and of Nigerian origin. I am a wife to Mustapha and mother to three children, Safiyyah who is nearly 4 and Ibrahim-Hanif who has just turned 2 and my baby daughter Ameena who is only 6 months old, alhamdulillah.
Professionally I am a housewife; socially I am a daughter, sister, aunt and friend. I have many dreams and aspirations including being an active participant in bringing about world peace, opening an orphanage in my home land Nigeria for disadvantaged children and raising my children as sincere and real Muslims.
In my spare time I like to write poetry and all my thoughts and I love to read particularly books that inspire and guide me to being a more useful and beneficial individual. I dream of one day being able to bake and master the art of calligraphy!
I blog at http://aishaswall.wordpress.com/
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