By Dr Subohi Alam   Fri, Dec 02, 2011

Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

Children seem to have a fascination of wanting to put things in their mouth. It’s a way of them discovering objects and exploring the
world. This activity can however become potentially life threatening if a small object gets stuck. Marbles and beads are just the right size to get stuck in a child’s airway and cause choking.

Obviously the best way to avoid this is to make sure that small objects like these are kept out of your child’s reach. However despite our best efforts we cannot always protect our children.

So I will discuss what to do if a situation arises and a child starts to choke.

Signs that choking may be likely:

• Suddenly the child starts to cough
• Usually they are not unwell
• They may have been playing with or near small
  objects, or they may have been seen to put something in their mouth

Try these suggestions: (from the NHS website advise)

• If you can see the object, try to remove it. Don’t poke blindly
  with your fingers. You could make things worse by pushing the object in
  further.
• If your child is coughing loudly, there’s no need to do anything.
  Encourage them to carry on coughing and don’t leave them.
• If your child’s coughing is not effective (it’s silent or they
  can’t breathe in properly), shout for help immediately and decide whether
  they’re still conscious.
• If your child is still conscious but they’re either not coughing or
  their coughing is not effective, use back blows (see below).

Back blows for children under one year:

• Support the child in a head-downwards position. Gravity can help
  dislodge the object. It’s easiest to do this if you sit or kneel and
  support the child on your lap.
• Don’t compress the soft tissues under the jaw as this will make the
  obstruction worse.
• Give up to five sharp back blows with the heel of one hand in the
  middle of the back between the shoulder blades.
  
  

Back blows for children over one year:

• Back blows are more effective if the child is positioned head down.
• Put a small child across your lap as you would a baby.
• If this isn’t possible, support your child in a forward-leaning
  position and give the back blows from behind.

If back blows don’t relieve the choking and your child is still conscious, give chest thrusts (see below) to infants under one year or
abdominal thrusts (see below) to children over one year. This will create an artificial cough, increasing pressure in the chest and helping to
dislodge the object.

Chest thrusts for children under one year:

• Support the baby on your arm, which is placed down (or across)
  your thigh as you sit or kneel.
• Find the breastbone, and place two fingers in the middle.
• Give five sharp chest thrusts (pushes), compressing the chest by
  about a third.

Abdominal thrusts for children over one year:

• Stand or kneel behind your child. Place your arms under the child’s
  arms and around their upper abdomen.
• Clench your fist and place it between the navel and ribs.
• Grasp this hand with your other hand and pull sharply inwards and
  upwards.
• Repeat up to five times.
• Make sure you don’t apply pressure to the lower ribcage as this may
  cause damage.

Following chest or abdominal thrusts reassess your child as follows:

• If the object is still not dislodged and your child is still
  conscious, continue the sequence of back blows and either chest or
  abdominal thrusts.
• Call out or send for help if you’re still on your own.
• Don’t leave the child.

Even if the object is expelled, get medical help. Part of the object might have been left behind or your child might have been hurt by the
procedure.

Unconscious child with choking:

• If a choking child is, or becomes, unconscious, put them on a firm,
  flat surface.
• Call out loudly or send for help if you’re on your own.
• Don’t leave the child at any stage.
• Open the child’s mouth. If the object is clearly visible and you
  can grasp it easily, then remove it.
• Start CPR (see How
  to resuscitate a child).

Don’t poke blindly or repeatedly with your fingers to try to get the object out. This can push the object further in, making it harder to
remove and causing more injury to the child.

I with a group of colleagues teach emergency life support to the community and amongst the teaching session
a section is devoted to choking in children. These are free 3 hour sessions covering various emergency situations. If anyone is interested in learning these and other lifesaving essential skills please contact me at heartstart_ummah@yahoo.co.uk.

Jazak Allah Khairan.

Wa salam

By Grandma Jeddah   Fri, Dec 02, 2011

The Prophet (saw) used ignoring when he was displeased with the behavior of those under his charge, on several occasions. In one
incident it involved his discontent with his wives, and he retreated to an upper room. In another case he used it with three companions who neglected to attend the battle of Tabuk.

Using the ignoring approach to discipline may initially lead to an escalation in your child’s inappropriate behavior. Once your child sees you are not responding to his actions, he may ramp up his kicking, shouting or back talk to get your attention.

Let’s say your 5-year-old son is upset because you won’t give him a second piece of your delicious banana bread. He drops to the floor, sprawled out bawling and flailing his legs and arms. As long as there is no danger to your child or others, wait it out. Patience can be a virtue.

When ignoring, be sure not to send signals with your face, body language or tone that indicate or suggest you are being affected by your child’s behavior. Ignoring can be very effective with toddlers and even school-age children who throw tantrums. It might take several sessions of ignoring your child for him to learn that his behavior will not get the response he is striving for. It can be well worth the wait, however.

The most difficult part of this approach might be your difficulty remaining patient throughout the succession of episodes.
Some common behaviors you can ignore are whining, temper tantrums, pouting, attempts at angering or hurting your feelings, and interrupting your conversations with others. When your son’s annoying behavior ceases, take time to give him your attention. It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate; let the situation guide your response. But show him that appropriate behavior will gain him the attention he desires.

Make sure you notice periods when your child is upset, yet he doesn’t throw tantrums. When he shows restraint and self-control, compliment him or hug or kiss him. Be sure to let him know you are pleased with his ability to self-monitor himself. This is very important for the success of the ignoring technique. You also want to show him things he can do as an alternative to kicking and screaming on the
floor when he’s upset. Tell him when he’s angry or doesn’t get his way he should lie down, or get active outside, or get on the computer or call a friend.

Show him suitable ways of dispensing with his frustrations.Children have feelings and emotions just as adults do. The old saying, "You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar” plays true when dealing with your children.


This is an excerpt from Grandma Jeddah’s e-book, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child— and Keep Your Peace of Mind While at It.
You can Order her e-book or visit Grandma Jeddah's website for more discipline tips at--www.grandmajeddah.com or visit her blog at-- grandmajeddah.blogspot.com

By Safura Houghton   Thu, Dec 01, 2011

How many Muslim parents use excuses to hold back their children from flying the nest? More importantly, what does Islam say on the subject and what is the correct thing to do?

Very recently, I came across a sister living in a small Northern town who mentioned to me that she had never travelled and did not want to venture out of her town because a local sheikh had praised the townspeople for having ‘kept away from fitnah and vices of the outside world’…upon investigating further, I was rather shocked at the number of people who believed they were in some way protected by Allah in this town they lived in and that they should strive to keep within their Muslim communities in order to be free from corruption. I had to ask myself ‘Is this correct?’ I am told a lot of these young people are disadvantaged; many could not cope with filling out complicated forms or dealing with the gas company over the telephone. Is it really acceptable to live such a sheltered life?

It seems the majority of young people who live in these small ghettoised towns will never go to university, will never pursue a real career and it seems, will probably never travel other than going on Hajj and Umrah. There is a very real fear that because protection of our children is paramount they must not be put into any situation where they may intermingle or be led astray. For this reason, many
parents who ‘allow’ their children to go to university from some of these small towns become ostracised and are criticised for being too liberal. Living away from home is a complete scandal and travelling abroad to study is frowned upon.

Knowing how many universities have strong Islamic societies, regular study groups and Islamic circles, I could not believe that in this day and age such views existed and I was determined to challenge this seemingly backward existence…

The ahadith and fataawah I found online only confused me even further. Scholarly views ranging from ‘It is haram for a woman to travel over 48 miles without a mahram’ to ‘Women should strive to stay in the confines of her home and not venture out without reason’…could these be the views some people are following? But then what of all the ahadith and ayaat of the Quran instructing us to seek knowledge? What of the many young people out there who want to seek knowledge in a Halal way?

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: "The seeking of knowledge is obligatory for every Muslim." - Al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 74

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “One who treads a path in search of knowledge has his path to Paradise made easy by God…” - Riyadhus-Saleheen, 245

“Recite in the name of your Lord who created.” [Qur'an, 96:1]

Statement of Imam Shafi’i: “After the obligatory deeds, nothing is more beloved to Allah than studying knowledge.”

One thing I kept coming across was how important it is to study Islamic knowledge, to learn our Deen properly, EVEN if it meant travelling to do this, and to strive to be in the path of learning always. That’s when I realized the answer. What exactly IS Islamic knowledge? Everything that is beneficial knowledge is Islamic knowledge!!

The Prophet also said: "Knowledge from which no benefit is derived is like a treasure out of which nothing is spent in the cause of God." - Al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 108

Therefore useful knowledge acquired at university and abroad does become Islamic knowledge. We tend to forget that Muslims were the leaders and pioneers in many subjects including medicine, astronomy and law, we forget how many of our everyday objects were invented by Muslims, and how many Muslim travelers founded many lands throughout the world.

We forget how Muslim women in the time of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) were full of knowledge and imparted this to others. Furthermore, as Muslim women we are responsible for educating our children. How do we help with our children’s schooling or
teach them if we do not know enough ourselves?

There is certainly a need for female doctors, nurses, teachers, psychologists etc. As Muslims we should strive to be independent and man our own industries, hospitals, and countries too. As Muslims, we may be faced with more questions than answers when it comes to choosing tertiary education for our offspring. How do we decide what we ‘allow’ them to do? If we send them off to university what
guidelines do we use? Is there one set of rules for our daughters and another for our sons?

Striking a balance is of the utmost importance. We cannot be so naïve and ignorant as to think we can stay confined within sheltered
communities and be protected by Allah. We cannot tell our children that venturing outside of a community or a town will lead them astray.

Our prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, "Tie your camel and trust in Allah."

Trust. That is the important word here. Love your children, spend time on them, instill Islamic values in them, always be there for them, strive to bring them up according to the Quran and the Sunnah, foster an Islamic identity within them and then TRUST them. Trust them to go and seek knowledge. Trust them to go and travel. Trust that they will make the right decisions and distance themselves from the wrongdoing they see around them. Furthermore, keep the channels of communication open. If your children can confide in you and
talk to you openly they are unlikely to do anything behind your back.

Our prophet Muhammad ( Peace be upon him) advised that for the first seven years of their life, the parents are to play with their children,
for the next seven ( until the age of 14) to teach them and from the age of 14 to 21 , to be their friend.

To me this reinforces the need for us to have a good relationship with our children, to listen to them and be there for them always. We must hope and pray that our children will be mindful of Allah at all times in their lives, after all, we cannot hold on to them forever. They must go out into the big bad world and find their own feet. So whenver you feel about letting your children ‘fly the
nest’…above all, have trust in Allah. May He guide us and protect us all. Ameen.

By Umm Salihah ( Deputy editor)   Thu, Dec 01, 2011

For men, the hadith that was quoted was: The Prophet (Peace be upon him) said: “A woman may be married for four reasons: her wealth, her lineage (family status), her beauty or her religious commitment; Choose the one who is religious and you will prosper.” (Sahih Bukhari, Book 62, Hadith Number 27)

The Sheikh explained that the first right of a child was to have a pious mother. So brothers were encouraged to look for a woman who had
strong faith. He advised that it made sense for brothers to look for a women they could be attracted to as the world is full of temptation and a good women acts as a mitigation for these temptations. However to find a woman of faith and then reject her on the basis of her looks would be cruel, so it is better to find someone you are attracted to and then enquire after how religious she is.

Another piece of advice given to brothers was finding a woman who will be good friends with your mother. I can wholeheartedly support that one!

For women, the following hadith was presented: “If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your female relative who is under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.”
(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan al-Tirmidhi, 1084).

So we are encouraged to look at a brother’s good character and religiousness, although it felt to me that the first was emphasised more
strongly as the second can change over the course of a life, whereas the first one impacts on every aspect of a person’s conduct throughout his life.

Once we have found someone that appears suitable, Sheikh Ala outlined four things we can do to help us make our decision. The first is “Istishaarah” or research about the person. Belonging to the South Asian community, I am well aware of this one! This usually consists of discreetly asking around about the person (or in my dad-in-law’s case on one occasion heading down to a prospective young man’s neighbourhood and interviewing neighbours, shopkeepers and passers-by, maybe not the best approach?)

The second is “Istikhaarah” or asking Allah (SWT) for guidance. Most people expect to be told what to do in a dream and Sheikh Ala suggested this was not entirely correct (the sheikh suggested that our dreams can be related to our daily life and what preoccupies us, so are not always meant to be signs – I was impressed and surprised at a sheikh that admits this). The correct way is to pray two rakaats of nafl and then proceed with what you intend to do. If it goes smoothly then the istikharah was positive, if there are obstacles and difficulties from the outset then in the words of the sheikh “run, run, run Forrest run”).

The third thing we should do after we have done our istishaarah and istikharah is act accordingly, although we should look for a sign. Fourthly if everything has fallen into place and we have committed ourselves then we should place out trust in Allah (SWT) regarding the matter and not hesitate.

It’s a curious situation where so many brothers and sisters are clearly looking to marry, so many well-meaning people have set up websites or services to assist them and still there seem to be so many people who are having trouble finding a spouse.

I know a dozen or so people in my family and amongst my friends who are currently looking to marry and it seems really tough to find the right person (the variation in ages and requirements means that none of them match despite my trying). For some there are standards they cannot come below (height and education seem to be too common ones) which means they are not willing to consider a whole swathe of really good people. Some seem frightened of marriage and commitment and are turning away good people. In more than one instance I have seen a young woman reject a man and then as time goes by (five, eight, ten years) and there are fewer option with less to offer, the early ones seem like excellent opportunities that have been missed. The other big obstacle seems to be prospective spouse’s families
– too different, too demanding, too religious, not religious enough and so on.

After eleven years of marriage and seeing the examples of others around me, good and bad, more and more I am coming to the conclusion that in making a marriage work, more than the qualities of the spouse, a person’s own good qualities are what make the difference. These are not the exciting things: a nice house, a good job, good looks or a charming personality, but the less sexy ones: patience, gentleness, kindness, the ability to forgive and forget and willingness to make small sacrifices. When the wedding is concluded and the party is over, these are the things on a daily basis which keep a marriage going. Some of these qualities will be in one partner and
some in the other, so the questions to ask might be, not “what can you offer me?” But rather “Which of these things can I cultivate?”

I make dua that all of those brothers and sisters with good intentions for marriage find their way to each other insh’Allah.

You can watch a video of the seminar at YouTube

 

By Umm Salihah ( Deputy editor)   Fri, Dec 02, 2011

It’s coming up to that time of year again – gifts, parties and traditions for some and dilemmas for others: Christmas. Every year, Christmas for me brings a set of challenges – do I capitulate and join in or do I hold my ground. This year the first came up when my daughter came home with a letter asking us to tick boxes to choose her Christmas lunch (including non-halal turkey and halal chicken options). It’s still sitting at home. A few days later my son came home with three pages of Christmas carol lyrics and a note saying “Please help your child learn these songs”. So far I have conveniently forgotten all about it, but saw Little Lady sitting trying to help him read them out and sing them. Today at work, we also have to give our names in for the “Secret Santa” game and put down the deposit for the Christmas lunch. I used to join in at the periphery, play Secret Santa for a laugh, go to the Christmas lunch as long as it is during work time. Today had a little think about this, but not much – I am just going to have some backbone and say NO to anything to do with Christmas. It helps that my colleague who is a religious Christian (Seventh Day Adventist) has warned everyone, in the kindest of words, not to mention Christmas anywhere near her. As a child, my dad was very clear that we will have nothing to do with this celebration – no part in the nativity play or school choir or Christmas lunch, although we still loved the school Christmas party and Christmas telly. My only concern is for my daughter feeling left-out. I suppose that is one of the benefits of Islamic schools: that you don’t have to deal with these kinds of issues. It helps that Eid-ul-Adha is also in November and I can remind my children that we have already had our own “celebration” first. She has been pleading with me to let her take a packed lunch, so I will give her one for the day of the Christmas lunch, and if she wants to learn the carol lyrics – she is welcome to try (I can just imagine her singing Jingle Bells in a full assembly hall to her own made-up tune – she is very loud!). There are some benefits for us at this time of year: winter sales, a week off from work and the Dr Who Christmas Special without, but the challenges feel bigger, especially when it comes to your children.

By Ameenah Gaffar   Fri, Dec 02, 2011

For girls, that means covering our beauty (hair, neck, bosom and hips.) For boys that means longer shirts and baggy pants. Also males and females do not mix outside of chaperoned situations (i.e. only at school or work). Male-female relationships are discouraged until one is ready for marriage. And then there are other regulations regarding marriage selection. As a Muslim female the emphasis is more of a spiritual one than anything else. It is said that Allah (Arabic for God) left 1% of His mercy on Earth in the womb of the woman. In Islam the onset of menstruation is not viewed as a curse. We believe that Adam and Hawa (Eve) made the decision together to disobey God. Therefore, the pain of childbirth and everything pertaining to the female reproductive system is a blessing and means of expiating sins. This is a time when a girl becomes closer to God by fulfilling religious responsibilities, experiencing physical changes and spiritual changes.

A Muslim must establish the five pillars of Islam as part of daily life. They are: Shahadah, Prayer, Fasting, Zakat, and Hajj. Shahadah means testament of faith that there is no God but Allah and His Messenger is Muhammad (May the peace and blessings of Allah be
upon him.) The prayers must be performed five times a day at appointed movements of the sun: (dawn, midday, late afternoon, sunset and dusk.) Fasting in the month of Ramadan is mandatory upon every able bodied Muslim. The exceptions are young children, the elderly and nursing and pregnant women. Zakat is giving in charity 2.5 percent of your wealth. Hajj is the pilgrimage to Mecca which must be complete once during a lifetime. Once we reach puberty, we understand there are no partners with God meaning he has no son or (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him.) We have been taught how to pray since we were young and now are responsible to pray each prayer on time and fast all thirty days of Ramadan.

Personal hygiene becomes extremely important during this time because of all of our physical changes. Part of praying requires ablution or washing several times during the day. Trimming the new hairs regularly every forty days is also required. Additionally not to draw attention to our new attributes, we wear hijab, Arabic for covering and mean the modest covering from head to toe. Hijab is also used to simply refer to the head covering or scarf. Nutrition is also important. We eat halal, or lawfully acquired meat. Beef, lamb, goat, and poultry are permitted but must be butchered in private, quickly while pronouncing the name of God. During its life, the animal must have been treated and fed naturally and regularly, also referred to as organic and grass fed by some. The temperament of the meat that
you eat will affect your behavior, spiritual state and odor. Of course this is not a change during puberty as your mother would have fed you properly throughout your life but the quantity of meat is new. Meat, while not forbidden, should be eaten in moderation as it makes bad body odor and can also make bad breath. Personal hygiene, dress and nutrition become more disciplined at this time.

In assuming new religious responsibilities and physical responsibilities, it will protect your spiritual state. Emotions are consistently changing but remaining in constant prayer or dua and remembrance of God will help control your temperament. I personally have been
feeling closer to God and His presence protecting me. When I pray, I am very focused and everything is clear. I have never been able to focus in my prayers the way that I now can. So for me this is the most significant change about puberty, the ability to really worship with a pure heart and clear mind.

In conclusion, in Islam there are no rites or ritual. Rather starting from the age of nine, it is a time a personal spiritual awareness. We show our maturity in the new responsibilities we take on in our worship of God. With our new understanding of how our relationship should be with Him, we discipline ourselves in body, by covering and refraining from inappropriate intersexual mixing and in spirit by worship more and regularly. I would like to add that my new relationship with God has changed my relationship with my mother and I feel closer and more connected to her. I see that Allah’s mercy really is in women.

By Sumaiya Umm Imran (Editor)   Fri, Dec 02, 2011

If we want our children to grow up as confident Muslims, we need to pass onto them the true message of our faith; otherwise they will end up confused by the Christian version. Alhamdulillah we have the Book of Allah (SWT) to refer back to.

 

In the Qur’an, Allah (SWT) mentions with great admiration the family of Ibrahim (AS) and the family of Imran (AS). In Suran Al-Imran Allah (SWT) says, ‘Allah chose Adam, Noah, Abraham’s family and Imran’s family over all other people, in one line of descent – Allah hears and knows all.’ – (Quran Surah 3:33-34)

 

As you can see Lady Maryam (AS) is descended from a noble family, the family of Imran. Her birth story is also a very inspiring one. Her mother is a great example of a God-fearing woman. She dedicated her precious child to Allah (SWT)’s service even before her birth. ‘Imran’s wife said, “Lord, I have dedicated what is growing in my womb entirely to You; so accept this from me. You are the One who hears and knows all.”’ – (Quran Surah 3:35)

 

When she delivered her she said ‘My Lord! I have given birth to a girl’ – (Quran Surah 3:35). Allah (SWT) loves us all regardless for our gender differences and that’s why He (SWT) said, ‘Allah knew best what she had given birth to: the male is not like the female.’ – (Quran Surah 3:36)

 

Maryam’s mother said’ “I name her Maryam and I commend her and her offspring to Your protection from the rejected Satan.” – (Quran Surah 3:36). Once again we can learn so much from her beautiful action. We as parents should make supplication for our children from the very start of their life and also need to remember their offspring too, insha-Allah. ’Her Lord graciously accepted her and made her grow in goodness and entrusted her to the charge of Zachariah.’ – (Quran Surah 3:37)

 

The Superiority of Lady Maryam (AS) over other women

 

In Surah Al-Imran Allah (SWT) mentions, “The angels said to Maryam: ‘Maryam, Allah has chosen you and made you pure. He has truly chosen you above all women. Maryam, be devout to your Lord; prostrate yourself in worship, bow down with those who pray.’” – (Quran Surah 3:43-44)

 

The utter innocence of lady Maryam (AS)

 

In the Quran it is mentioned how Maryam (AS) reacted to the news of conceiving her son isa (AS). ‘She said, “My Lord, how can I have a son when no man has touched me?” The angel says, “This is how Allah creates what He wills: when He has ordained something, He only says, “Be” and it is.” – (Quran Surah 3:47)

 

The miraculous birth of Isa (AS)

 

Allah (SWT) also mentions in the Quran the true story of the birth of Isa (AS) so that we as Muslims should never have any doubts regarding this great incident. ‘The angel said, “ Maryam, Allah gives you news of a Word from Him, whose name will be the Messiah, Isa (Juesus), son of Maryam, who will be held in honour in this world and the next, who will be one of those brought near to Allah. He will speak to people in his infancy and in his adulthood. He will be one of the righteous.” – (Quran Surah 3:45-46)

 

‘He (Isa) will teach them the Sripture and wisdom, the Torah and the Gospel. He will send him as a messenger to the children of Israel.’ – (Quran Surah 3:48-49)

 

Miracles of Isa (AS)

 

Isa (AS) was given several miracles by Allah (SWT). “I have come to you with a sign from your Lord. I will make the shape of a bird for you out of clay, then breathe into it and with Allah’s permission it will become a real bird; I will heal the blind and the leper and bring the dead back to life with Allah’s permission. I will tell you what you may eat and what you may store up in your houses. There is truly a sign for you in this, if you are believers. I have come to confirm the truth of the Torah which preceded me and to make some things lawful to you which used to be forbidden. I have come to you with a sign from you Lord. Be mindful of God, obey me: God is my Lord and your Lord, so serve Him- that is a straight path.” – (Quran Surah 3:49-51)

 

To be continued… Insha-Allah

By Aisha’tu S. Mohammed   Fri, Dec 02, 2011

I write this with all those parents in mind that I have witnessed going through the struggle of watching their child suffer and not being able to do anything to ease that pain. Most of all, I dedicate this to all those mothers at Great Ormond street hospital, who, through their own personal struggles have helped me through my own, without even knowing it. When a circumstance is not your own, you will never know what it feels like. When you are not that person going through whatever it is, then you can never fully appreciate their response to it, as their whole life has gone to make up that particular moment or those moments. I think to myself at times when faced with certain tests that there were small instances in my different stages of life that have prepared me for this. When I look back, I take note and at times I do feel as though it was my own doing. If I had made one particular decision instead of another, but then does that mean I start to regret? For me it makes me stronger in that if I had chosen another path then I wouldn’t be so ready for the things that I am facing now. A lot of what spurs me on is that I recall many happenings, whereby if I say to myself ‘why me?’ then I have taken no heed as to the gravity of my past sins and also sins to come. I have submitted in that. I have no choice but to accept what has been decreed for me and just plough on with life, praying for Allah (SWT)’s mercy in that, whatever my response, it is the one most pleasing to Allah (SWT). I suppose it is another way of pleading for forgiveness, a silent way, a way that is within me and between me and Allah (SWT) only. I feel as though and very strongly too, that I do not have to talk about certain things that I am going through, as it is sufficient for me that Allah (SWT) knows. I have learnt this in that, no matter where I go or to whom, nobody ever has the right words or the perfect response that I seek. It is only when I fully comprehend that it is only Allah (SWT) who knows and is aware of precisely what I seek, what I desire, the exact answer. When I talk to Him (SWT), I know He is listening, as it is impossible for Him not to as He (SWT) is ‘the ever living, the one who sustains and protects all that exists. Neither slumber nor sleep overtakes him. To Him belongs whatever is in the heavens and whatever is on earth.’ - (Quran Surah 2:255) He sustains me therefore I know that I am never overlooked as without sustenance surely I will cease to exist, slumber nor sleep overtake Him, therefore everything is known to Him, from our most insignificant of wishes to our moments of intense need. In this I place my certainty in that He (SWT) knows why and I need not know. I am not the sustainer of my own soul so how can I possibly hold the knowledge in what awaits me tomorrow, as when the day is not over. I am yet to have absolute certainty as to my provision. When I am in a state of slumber or asleep I have no idea as to what is passing within myself, or in fact any other living thing, within the confines of mine own home let alone without. I belong to Him (SWT), therefore I know that He will take care of me in whatever way is best, just as whatever I have been blessed with ownership of in this world I will take care of in the ways that I know best. The difference is that I was taught my ways and different people differ in their ways.

By Umm Salihah ( Deputy editor)   Fri, Dec 02, 2011

These included writing a journal of your experiences so that you have space to reflect and learn and planning your career on a chart, knowing where you want to be in the coming years and what you have to do to get there: gaining qualifications, developing soft skills and moving sideways in your career rather than up to get experience. Overall it was a useful seminar, with some good advice that I am working to implement.

I liked that Dr Mughal addressed the fact that Muslims often feel that being successful or wealthy is contradictory to being a good Muslim in some way and that we should view being successful in our work and business as part of being a good Muslim. He quoted an ayah I
particularly love:

"And when the prayer has been concluded, disperse within the land and seek from the bounty of Allah, and remember Allah often that you may succeed." (Al-Quran 62:10)

At the end of the session, there were some questions left in my mind. One of the big things which I have had to grapple with as a working Muslimah mother has been not so much progressing my career but giving myself permission to do this. The prevalent attitude I have come across amongst Muslims is that a women should not work and a Muslim mother certainly should not work.

I have mainly reconciled myself with this issue. I have the right to work, I do not neglect my children and that is an end to the matter. The only matter that remains outstanding is the one of working with non-Mahrams. My hijab and abayah set up an adequate boundary for non-Mahrams and I often see very clearly how I am treated differently from other women – with more respect and with higher expectations regarding my behaviour. I don’t feel I can wear niqab at work (although I have seen a sister here and previously in the civil service who do so) and I am not convinced that leaving work would give me the courage to wear it anyway.

The point is that although Dr Mughal’s advice was useful and I benefitted from hearing about his experience, there are other things we need to deal with before we can come close to really being able to get the most from it.

One of these is feeling positive about the work we do – most working Muslimah’s I know do not earn so that they can spend on luxurious clothes and holidays (they are amongst the most frugal women I know), their earnings go not just towards taking care of their families, but helping extended family and other people in their communities.

Another issue is guilt. Working mothers can carry an immense amount of guilt around with them not realising that actually all mothers (Muslim and non-Muslim, working and stay-at-home) have to live with the guilt that comes from an unrealistic ideal that has been created around motherhood. Mothers are assaulted with a massive amount of information about what they should or should not do – pretty much all of it contradictory and with the implication that if we omit any of this giant to-do list our children will be damaged for life. No pressure there then.

But in developing our careers or our businesses we have to step away from this damaging and restrictive sense of guilt first.
As Muslimah’s our priority will always be first and foremost our children, there is no doubt over that. This means that our career or business choices have an added dimension – does this suit my family? This means foregoing promotion opportunities due to longer hours, it means putting your career on hold for periods, it means staying in jobs that are more family-friendly but perhaps not conducive to progression or personal development.

Perhaps this being the case, Dr Mughal’s advice about planning your career or business development is all the more apt. Marriage, motherhood, extended families, milestones are all a part of a Muslimah’s life, perhaps then this variable should be a part of our plan rather than obstacles on it?

Certainly his idea of journaling your experiences hold value for me. I started blogging because I did not know any working Muslim women with children who were going through the things I was experiencing. Through blogging I met numerous women who understood what I had experienced – the guilt and criticism, fitting prayer into your routine, keeping it halal in the workplace (avoiding handshakes, pub lunches and anything to do with Christmas). I also met a few who completely disagreed with the fact that I worked when I had children, they certainly made me think. This process of sharing my experience has been very enriching for me.

By Khadijah Deborah Rose Ahmad   Fri, Dec 02, 2011

Then there are the various methods of home education, structured or unstructured, with a curriculum or without a curriculum. It is a little known fact that home educators are NOT bound to follow the National Curriculum (in the UK - I am not sure about abroad). The question WHY home educate - why does someone choose from say toddler-hood to teach their child themselves? Sometimes its not wanting to sever the bond with your child as when they go to school, you do relinquish quite a bit of control over how your child will be dealt with in a stressful situation, what they will be taught, what will be omitted, and HOW they will be taught it. As Muslims in these troubled times, Islam is certainly not high on the curriculum, and when it is-how is it portrayed? Other reasons are to need more time to pursue Arabic studies for example and home education allows you more time to focus on Islamic studies and incorporating Islam into other areas such as literacy and science and history. So here are several reasons why as Muslims there are good reasons to home educate! Then there is the question of bullying. I am home educating one of my four sons as he was repeatedly bullied at school and as a consequence suffered very low self esteem and emotional issues. Home educating has freed him from this and he is now excelling academically and emotionally. Again it can be hard for our children to fully practice their faith in a school environment - being one of a few wearing hijab for example, freedom to pray, or constant awkward questions about terrorism etc and taunting. Of course this isn’t the case in all schools, if you live in highly populated Muslim area, your child is a less likely to feel ostracised or alienated at school. Or if you are lucky enough to live near a local Islamic school. The other issue is CHOICE of school, in some areas sending your child to your school of choice is a postcode lottery, and this can leave parents with the situation where they are obliged to send their child to a renowned violent school or failing school. This can be a cause of anxiety for the parents and often for the child too. The point of this article is to explain there IS another option which is Home Education! Of course it is not for everyone - it takes a lot of devotion and stamina and willingness of the child also. If you have a child perfectly happy in school yet you as the parent wish for home education - it is unlikely to succeed. However if the right ingredients are there then there is good chance for success. Most areas have at least a support group. There are national organisations such as “education otherwise” and the Home Education Advisory Service (HEAS). These can support you with what is necessary if you are withdrawing a child from school. Also a lot of local education authorities are more supportive these days of home educators, check your local council website and see what information they have for home educators. What about GCSEs? Well, it is nowadays quite easy to take GCSEs at home and these are iGCSEs which means they are internationally recognised. There are many registered education centres where your child can sit GCSEs; Edexcel, and University of Cambridge and also Oxford supply GCSE courses. You buy the curriculum –from a surprisingly wide range of subjects, and relevant textbooks, prepare your child at home and then sit the exam in a centre. Each GCSE costs £200-£300 approximately. Alternatively you can take the GCSEs at college a year later which is a more limited curriculum. Also there are home education centres in some areas of the country. Locally in Sussex we have one – Etudeo - where children study the GCSEs and earlier subjects in small groups for a small fee. Children come from 50 miles away as these centres are quite unique. There is always the possibility of setting up something on a smaller level in each others homes. You would need to find local private tutors prepared to teach small groups, and then you could split the cost of the tuition. This would also help with the other common concern-socialisation. As Muslims Alhamdulillah we often have access to Madrassa where our children can socialise. Also as aforementioned, home education support groups also offer the chance to mix with other children - with the benefit of a parent near by. How do I know what to teach? If you choose to not follow the national curriculum, you can follow a home education curriculum. There are many about theses days - mainly American. The one I use and would highly recommend is KinzaAcademy which was co-founded by Hamza Yusuf - a great pioneer of home education for Islamic Families. With this curriculum which starts form nursery years upwards, you buy a book list and teaching notes for about £20 - then you buy the books and teaching materials separately. All the books have been researched and compiled by the Kinza Academy. They include Arabic, Quran and Hadith study, Latin, Handwriting, English, Maths, History, Science and Art. You need not use all the subjects (for example we have omitted Latin). Anyone interested in home education would find their website very useful. They also have a curriculum to use alongside school to add on Islamic study to a schooled child. Their curriculum materials are extremely easy to use - each lesson planned and explained, and they also offer phone line support should you become stuck. There is absolutely no need to be a qualified teacher to teach your own child. The blessing in home education is as a parent you know your child best, you know how they will learn something and the best way of teaching them, and when you are not sure there is always support out there from seasoned home educators. The idea of home education is becoming very popular amongst Muslim families, especially those living in areas of the country without an Islamic school or with minority Muslim communities. So if you are interested in Home Education, or having bad problems with the school system, or concerned for your child’s Islamic education or have just had your taste buds awakened by this article-please check out the links and realise there is always choice-alhamdulillah! Inshallah this article has been informational and inspirational! External Links: Kinza Academy http://www.kinzaacademy.com/ Education Otherwise - Home Education Support Charity www.education-otherwise.org HEAS - Home Education Advisory Service http://www.heas.org.uk/ Oxford Home Schooling http://www.oxfordhomeschooling.co.uk/ Cambridge IGCSE Subjects http://www.cie.org.uk/qualifications/academic/middlesec/igcse/subjects EtudEO http://etudeo.org.uk/ Edexcel http://www.edexcel.com/Pages/Home.aspx

By Hadia Himmat   Fri, Dec 02, 2011

Paperback: 156 pages

Writers: E. Beshir, M. R. Beshir

Publisher: Amana Books Inc; Third edition (2001)

PARENTING IN THE WEST is an excellent book that should be present in every Muslim household. I believe it is a good reference and reminder during the process of rising up children. The book has many praises. First of all, it is short, concise and to the point. Secondly, it is easy to read and to relate to. I felt as if the authors were my friends talking to me sincerely and advising me from their personal experience. Thirdly, the book has a blend of the most up-to-date parenting skills which are beneficial for anyone who wants to raise happy and confident children. It uses real examples and suggests several practical techniques for implementation. Last but not least, it has constant references to Quran and Sunna. Everything is always related to Islam and Islamic teachings, which reminds the readers about the human beings purpose in life.

Being such a pragmatic book, it speaks directly to the readers, who can easily find the answers to their questions and the needed advices for their worries. We as Muslim parents living in today’s world face many challenges due to the decline of moral values, the lower standards in human relationships and good behaviours, to name a few. The book gives good advices on how to overcome those challenges and give our children the best upbringing which will give them a good life in this life and in the hereafter inshallah.

The authors always use the term tarbiyah, as it has a boarder meaning than mere education. They define tarbiyah as “teaching the art of dealing properly with human nature at various levels and in different situations, thus ensuring a person’s balanced upbringing that fulfils the purpose of his or her creation as stipulated by Allah in the Qur’an”. Initially, they introduce the basic principles of tarbiyah (from understanding children, to how to communicate in a loving and gentle way with our children, introducing concepts step by step, finding alternatives for our children and assisting them in developing their skills and potentials to name a few of the topics). Next they define the environment we live in and the importance of our role as parents in ensuring a proper environment and support system. Then they list ways and means of tarbiyah (such as by leadership, exhortations, admonition and gentle advice). Finally they discuss some case studies for a pragmatic approach to tarbiyah.

I loved the book. I read it eagerly and I’ve learned a lot from it. In many aspects it reminded me of my parents and the way they brought us up, always conscious of being good human beings and being good Muslims by avoiding what is evil and doing what is good. I hope to be able to transmit the same values to my children and never to lose the focus of their education. I will definitely read the book again as a reference and recommend it to everyone.

By Ibrahim Mahmud   Fri, Dec 02, 2011

What a day. Ali thought as he settled into the chair. Living is so hard. His mind went wondering. If only Adam (A.) didn’t eat that fruit. He felt a little frustrated. How could Adam (A.) do such a thing? Sure, it seemed like a harmless act, but could he not realize that Allah (SWT) was testing him? He felt a little bitter. Surely I would’ve done a better job. Adam (A.) couldn’t even see through the deception of shaytan.

Ali reached out for the headphones of his mp3 player. A sudden realization stopped him. He was much worse; he had been eating the forbidden fruit for as long as he could remember. Did Allah and His Rasool (SAW) not forbid listening to music? He always ignored
the order. It’s causing no harm. He always thought. But did he not know that this life is a test? He had been blind all this time. There are
other things he didn’t consider serious enough to be sins. Other fruits. Like chatting with girls, shaving beard, drawing persons etc. They always seemed harmless to him. He reasoned, if it’s not harmful to self or others then it’s not such a sin. What a fool I had been! I failed to recognize the whispers of shaytan. We can’t judge for ourselves what is harmful and what’s not! Its enough to know that Allah has forbidden such things. They may be attractive but they’re all forbidden fruits!

Adam (A.) ate one fruit and he was thrown out of jannah. What’ll be the consequences for being heedless for so long. Ali shuddered a little. Still it’s not too late. And Allah is most merciful, most forgiving.

By Umm Salihah ( Deputy editor)   Fri, Dec 02, 2011

I liked that the book cover shows that the girls are of different races and have different styles – one of the things I love about this ummah is its variety and diversity.

 

Jannah Jewels are four ordinary looking Muslims girls with some extraordinary qualities. Each excels in one of the sunnah sports (horse-riding, archery and swimming, okay so maybe not the one that likes skateboarding), each has a role (leader, artist, encyclopaedia, environmentalist), a superpower, and a special gadget as well as her own fear (spiders is one).

 

Before reviewing I passed the book to my daughter to read, because I felt that it was her opinion that counted. She read the book in one sitting and absolutely raved about it. When asked what she liked, she described some of the more adventurous scenes from the book. Her favourite character was Iman (my favourite too – she is the clever one).

 

Reading the book myself, the first thing that struck me was the breadth of Islamic knowledge and history which was touched on, often quite lightly or in passing: mention of Mansa Musa, the great Jingerber Masjid of Timbuktu, Ibn Battuta’s Rihla, the Maghribi script, the village griot. I suspect most adults wouldn’t know what or who all of these are at first glance. I am super keen to get my children interested in Islamic history and cultures, so if these mentions pique their curiosity I will be very happy. The book sneaks in lots of facts such as:

 

“It says here that the Quranic Sankore University, had almost 50,000 Quranic students at one point. It was built by Al-Sahili. He was from the Spanish city of Grenada.”

 

I liked that the Jannah Jewels have to say “Bismillah” (I begin in the name of Allah) before they do anything and that when they need help they have to ask Allah (SWT) sincerely. More than this I liked that the characters remember to thank Allah (SWT) when help comes, how many times does Superman remember to do this?

 

I loved that the book quotes a hadith very beloved to me, written on the hilt of the Prophet’s (PBUH) sword:

 

“Forgive him who wrongs you; join him who cuts you off; do good to him who does evil to you; and speak the truth although it be against yourself.”

 

The book touches on various issues such as the environment and sustainability, the history of Africa and the richness of Islamic history. I wondered if children would be able to fully appreciate the authors attempt to highlight the fact that history can be subjective, for instance the negative stereotypes around Africa common today in comparison to the rich and sophisticated Africa of the past. As Mansa Musa says to the girls “I have believed in Africa for a long time. I believe in its history and its academic and spiritual power.” Certainly a noble attempt and one I hope made my daughter think.

 

Probably the only criticism I might have with the book is that jumps very quickly from one scenario to another, but this is understandable when you consider how much is crammed into this little book its energetic pace.

 

Overall I am glad I got my hands on the book and I am looking forward to the next edition. I could really feel the love that went into this book – the characters, the places, the history, and the things that the author clearly strongly believes in and wants to share with our children through her heroines.

 

My daughter’s verdict? “I would give the book a 10 out of 10 mum”

I
liked that the book cover shows that the girls are of different races and have
different styles – one of the things I love about this ummah is its variety and
diversity.

Jannah
Jewels are four ordinary looking Muslims girls with some extraordinary
qualities. Each excels in one of the
sunnah sports (horse-riding, archery and swimming, okay so maybe not the one
that likes skateboarding), each has a role (leader, artist, encyclopaedia,
environmentalist), a superpower, and a special gadget as well as her own fear
(spiders is one).

Before
reviewing I passed the book to my daughter to read, because I felt that it was
her opinion that counted. She read the
book in one sitting and absolutely raved about it. When asked what she liked, she described some
of the more adventurous scenes from the book.
Her favourite character was Iman (my favourite too – she is the clever
one).

Reading
the book myself, the first thing that struck me was the breadth of Islamic
knowledge and history which was touched on, often quite lightly or in passing:
mention of Mansa Musa, the great
Jingerber Masjid of Timbuktu, Ibn Battuta’s Rihla, the Maghribi script,
the village griot. I suspect most adults
wouldn’t know what or who all of these are at first glance. I am super keen to get my children interested
in Islamic history and cultures, so if these mentions pique their curiosity I
will be very happy. The book sneaks in
lots of facts such as:

“It says here that the
Quranic Sankore University, had almost 50,000 Quranic students at one
point. It was built by Al-Sahili. He was from the Spanish city of Grenada.”

I
liked that the Jannah Jewels have to say “Bismillah” (I begin in the name of
Allah) before they do anything and that when they need help they have to ask
Allah (SWT) sincerely. More than this I
liked that the characters remember to thank Allah (SWT) when help comes, how
many times does Superman remember to do this?

I
loved that the book quotes a hadith very beloved to me, written on the hilt of
the Prophet’s (PBUH) sword:

“Forgive him who wrongs
you; join him who cuts you off; do good to him who does evil to you; and speak
the truth although it be against yourself.”

The
book touches on various issues such as the environment and sustainability, the
history of Africa and the richness of Islamic history. I wondered if children would be able to fully
appreciate the authors attempt to highlight the fact that history can be
subjective, for instance the negative stereotypes around Africa common today in
comparison to the rich and sophisticated Africa of the past. As Mansa Musa says to the girls “I have believed in Africa for a long
time. I believe in its history and its
academic and spiritual power.” Certainly
a noble attempt and one I hope made my daughter think.

Probably
the only criticism I might have with the book is that jumps very quickly from
one scenario to another, but this is understandable when you consider how much
is crammed into this little book its energetic pace.

Overall
I am glad I got my hands on the book and I am looking forward to the next
edition. I could really feel the love
that went into this book – the characters, the places, the history, and the
things that the author clearly strongly believes in and wants to share with our
children through her heroines.

My
daughter’s verdict? “I would give the book a 10 out of 10 mum”

 

By Umm Salihah ( Deputy editor)   Fri, Dec 02, 2011

I took up his challenge happily for a number of reasons. I am always trying to find ways to make our meals as healthy as possible, as the main cook in the house, I feel largely responsible for everyone’s eating habits. Our traditional Punjabi diet of curry and chapatti (unleavened bread) is generally a labourers diet, heavy and rich and comprising of meat, wheat and vegetables, just right to keep you going whilst you labour in the fields all day. Only problem is we don’t have any fields, not even an allotment, just two small flower beds, so I suspect we should aim to make our diet lighter. The other reason is that my mother-in-law suffers from Hepatitis C and the associated problems with her liver and dietary restrictions. The following is the recipe I came up with and happily it went down well (positive feedback from hubby, mum-in-law and a friend).

Ingredients

2-3 table spoons olive oil (or cooking oil of your
choice)

2 medium onions – chopped small

Liberal pinch black mustard seeds (optional)

2-4 bullet chilli’s (increase, decrease according to
your preference) – chopped finely

¼ teaspoon ground black pepper

1 tablespoon salt (can be adjusted according to your
taste)

2 tomatoes - diced

1 medium cauliflower – broken into florets

½ kilo chicken breast cubed

Method

This recipe is best cooked in a non-stick pot with a
lid as no water is added and the cauliflower cooks in its own juices and the
steam from the pot.

Heat oil and add black mustard seeds. Sauté onions in oil until they start to turn
translucent, add chopped chilli’s and sauté further until onions are golden brown. Add black pepper and salt and cook for a
further 30 seconds before adding tomatoes.
Cook further until tomatoes have broken down and the sauce is fairly
dry. Add chicken cubes and stir-fry until cooked through. Add cauliflower and stir-fry for a further
1-2 minutes.

Lower heat to lowest setting and leave cauliflower
to cook in its own juice – this will take 15-20 minutes. It’s good to keep checking to make sure the
curry doesn’t stick.

 

By Tasnim Nazeer   Fri, Dec 02, 2011

It is always important to remember that both the Qur'an and the Sunnah enjoin Muslims to be conscious of time and therefore we should find ways to implement organisation of time in our lives so we can balance our responsibilities and fulfill the obligations of our faith. Ibn Abbas narrated that Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) said: "There are two blessings which many people lose: (They are) health and
free time for doing good." (Bukhari 8/421)

We must remember that time must be spent to fulfill our very purpose in life that which is to worship Allah all throughout our lives and perfect our ibadah. Allah makes this very clear in the Qur'an when He says: " I have only created Jinns and Men, that they may serve Me. No Sustenance do I require of them, nor do I require that they should feed Me. For Allah is He Who gives (all) Sustenance, Lord of Power, Steadfast (for ever). " Qur'an (51:56-58)

Pleasing Allah (swt) can be done in a number of ways and Salah (prayer) is detrimental to the pleasure of Allah (swt) and fulfills our obligation to him in addition to being a testament to our faith. If we do not perform or maintain Salah then we would be considered as a non believer as the main difference between a believer and non believer is the prayer. Therefore we should make every effort to perform Salah sincerely to Allah (swt) and maintain our five times daily prayers. Almighty Allah (swt) says in the Qur’an that, "But celebrate the praises of thy Lord, and be of those who prostrate themselves in adoration. And serve thy Lord until there come unto thee the Hour
that is certain (i.e., death)." Qur'an (15:98-99)

Firstly if we should look at the characteristics of time itself which are:

• Time passes
  quickly.
• Time that
  passes can never return, nor can it be compensated for, for time is
  irretrievable.
• Time is the
  most precious thing that man possesses.

In identifying the characteristics of time we come to realise how important it really is. Time is the measure of life, our time is ticking and our deeds are being recorded therefore let’s utilize our time effectively to gain for Al Akhirah. Here are some tips for Muslimahs to utilize their time effectively:

Maintain your five time daily prayers and make time with your family to pray together so that you are not only making Salah but you are benefitting from having your family pray with you.

Try to get involved in more charitable causes as charity is an aspect of Islam that not only involves Zakat (obligatory charity) but also extends to other charitable deeds such as giving food to the elderly.

If you have the means to do so try to perform Umrah or Hajj rather than putting it off for a later date. Many of us regret not being able to perform Hajj or Umrah or regret the fact that our parents, family or friends could not have gone if their time had passed. Therefore it is essential to use the opportunity we have of the time we are given by Allah (swt).

By Farhana Moosa   Fri, Dec 02, 2011

HAYYA ALAS SALAH
Hasten towards prayer.

HAYYA ALAL FALAH (Twice)

Hasten towards prosperity.

Imagine receiving a call from your most beloved celebrity. How awesome would that be? Of course you would take that call immediately and if perchance you happened to miss it you would make sure you return that call as soon as possible putting every other “important” matter aside.

Islam is the most simple and awesome religion. We as Muslims are so lucky! Every single day we are honored by receiving a personal and direct call from our Creator, Allah SWT. Five times a day He sends out a blessed and melodious ring tone to us with a beautiful message filled with amazing blessings.

There is no celebrity in this world who can come close to the greatness of our Creator yet we deny these blessings in our lives by denying the call to prayer.

Have you ever stopped to listen to the adhaan (call to prayer) and contemplate its meaning, how it promises success in the greatness of our Creator and how it embodies the greatness of our deen (faith), ALLAHU AKBAR ( God is great)!

Allahu Akbar
God is Great
(said four times)

Ashhadu an la ilaha illa Allah
I bear witness that there is no god except the One God.
(said two times)

Ashadu anna Muhammadan Rasool Allah
I bear witness that Muhammad is the messenger of God.
(said two times)

Hayya 'ala-s-Salah
Hurry to the prayer (Rise up for prayer)
(said two times)

Hayya 'ala-l-Falah
Hurry to success (Rise up for Salvation)
(said two times)

Allahu Akbar
God is Great
[said two times]

La ilaha illa Allah
There is no god except the One God

So, how often are these missed calls? How often do we listen without hearing and then just continue with our daily worldly tasks without even feeling guilty and just brushing aside this call, each missed call increasing our heedlessness and multiplying our loss.

A sincere worshipper needs to embody the following qualities for the acceptance of his/her prayers.

“1. Those who remain steadfast to their prayer;
2. And those in whose wealth is a recognized right for the (needy) who ask and him who is prevented (for some reason from asking);
3. And those who hold to the truth of the Day of Judgment;
4. And those who fear the displeasure of their Lord;
5. And those who guard their chastity;
6. And those who respect their trusts and covenants;
7. And those who stand firm in their testimonies;
8. And those who guard (the sacredness) of their worship;
Such will be the honored ones in the Gardens (of Bliss).” (Al-Maarij 70: 23-35).

O my Lord! Please, let our prayers have the honor of being offered in their true meaning and wisdom, and let them be regarded as an ascension (mi’raj) to you!

Let our prayers be our joy, and the delight of our souls both in this world and the hereafter!

Ameen!

By Sumaiya Umm Imran (Editor)   Wed, Jun 22, 2011

I started breathing deeply through each contraction. By 2 o'clock I was quite sure these were definitely contractions and told my husband to wake up. I was too excited getting all the towels, plastic sheets, baby clothes etc out. I called my friend to come over just in case we need to rush to the hospital. My children (3 & 2 years old) were sleeping quite peacefully so we didn't want to disturb them. By fajr time, I was still in pain but there was no sign of show or water breaking! I felt quite disappointed but kept using my birth ball and reading duas and deep breathing. DH didn't want to go to work but I told him it may take some time before I am in established labour so there is no point missing work. I sent my friend back and told her I will call if I need her.

Around 9 in the morning, my mum called to tell me she is on her way to my place with my youngest sister. My dad dropped them off before going to work. I didn't want them to worry so I didn't tell them I was having contractions. But by 11, the pain was quite bad so I went to have a warm bath. It did relax me a lot alhamdulillah. However when the contractions were coming back every 10 minutes it was really painful, no matter how warm the water was, I was feeling every bit of it! I called my midwife and asked her whether I should go to the hospital. She said to come when the contractions are five minutes apart. It just sounded so stupid. She said not to come as my ones were 10 minutes apart! I went to the bath again just to ease my pain. At 11:30 my water broke! As soon as the water broke, I felt huge pressure around the cervix. I just couldn’t lie down anymore. I called the ambulance, alhamdulillah had my mobile with me :-) the 999 lady said not to cross my legs and move from the bath. I told my mum to put the plastic sheets and the towels on my bedroom floor and move my children downstairs and don't come to my room. The 999 lady was asking me to get somebody there to help me deliver the baby but I just didn't want my mum or my friend to be there seeing me delivering my baby! Alhamdulillah I managed to get dressed and run to the bedroom. Got my mobile on speaker and followed the instructions given by the 999 lady. Her name is Abbey. May Allah (SWT) bless you Abbey! :-)

I felt the top of the head at 11:35 and tried to press softly upward to avoid tearing as it gives time for the cervix to stretch. My baby's head felt quite big that's why I didn't want to lie down. The lady was asking me to lie down on my back but I was confident that squatting is the best position for me to give birth. I saw my baby's head coming out in the cupboard mirror in front of me. That was the ‘transition’ moment for me! The pain was really excruciating, I screamed really loud as I felt like I am going to explode!!! Within seconds my baby's head and then body was out. Then I sat down and held him close to my chest, alhamdulillah the cord was not around the neck and I used the towels to clean him! The 999 lady said now I can just wait for the paramedics to arrive and do the rest. My baby cried as soon as he was out and that was a big relief. So at 11:40 my baby was born Alhamdulillah. I was shaking but I was feeling so relieved as well thinking it's over now! I had a real natural birth alhamdulillah. My prayers were answered!

I delivered my placenta naturally as well as I declined having any injections to speed up the process. I cut the cord as well. The midwives arrived within half an hour to do the rest and alhamdulillah I was also able to start breastfeeding just right after birth. I still can't believe what a birth experience I had subhanallah! I had been reading a lot about natural birth, homebirth, unassisted birth, hypno-birth, birth within techniques, etc. I did believe lot of the concepts but wasn't sure whether I would be able to implement the lessons. I kept making dua to Allah (SWT) as I really wanted a very natural birth. I hated my hospital birth and wanted to avoid it at any cost. The second birth was also at home but the paramedics delivered my daughter for me. It was exactly two years ago. Alhamdulillah this time Allah (SWT) made it possible for me to deliver again at home quite safely. I am also very lucky to have a very supportive partner who trusts me and respects my wishes. I am so glad to have my baby at home. Homebirth is the best Alhamdulillah! I am truly a believer now! Insha-Allah I will do reviews of all the books I have been reading through out my pregnancy as well as all the great sites, blogs, youtube videos I have been watching to learn about natural birth. I also would like to thank all my readers and friends for their prayers and best wishes. I am very lucky to have wonderful people like you in my life alhamdulillah! Jazakallah khairan :-)